A butt plug is a short, tapered toy with a wide base that you insert and leave in place for a full, pressured feeling. If it's your first one, get a small silicone plug with a flared base, use a thick lube, and take more time than you expect. That's the whole game, and most of what goes wrong comes from skipping one of those three.
I sold these across a counter for six years. The single biggest reason people came back unhappy wasn't the toy. It was buying too big on the first try and then deciding anal play "wasn't for them." It probably was. They just started three sizes too high.
What a butt plug actually does
A plug fills and gently stretches the anal opening, then stays put. Unlike a dildo, you're not thrusting with it. You insert it, the widest part passes, and then the narrow neck sits at the opening while the base keeps everything from going anywhere it shouldn't.
The appeal is the steady, hands-free fullness. Some people wear one during other kinds of sex or masturbation because it makes everything else feel more intense. For people with a prostate, a plug adds pressure in the right zone, though a curved prostate stimulator does that job better if that's your main goal.
The one non-negotiable: the flared base
Your rectum can pull a toy in. There's no natural stop the way there is with a vagina, so anything you put back there needs a base wider than the widest part of the plug. This isn't a suggestion. It's the difference between a fun night and an ER visit you'll have to explain.
A good base is either a flat disc or a T-bar. Skip anything with a narrow ball on the end and no real flare. If the "base" would fit inside you, it's not a base.
Size: start smaller than you think
Beginners should look at the neck width, not the length. A first plug should have an insertable width around three-quarters of an inch to one inch at its widest, and a neck the toy narrows down to that your body can close around comfortably.
- First-timer: widest point around 0.75" to 1". This feels like plenty. It's supposed to.
- Comfortable after a few weeks: 1.25" to 1.5".
- Experienced: above 1.5", and now you're in dedicated butt plug territory where sizing is a personal project.
Length matters less than you'd guess. Two to four inches insertable is normal for a plug. If you want more length and movement, you're actually looking for anal beads, which are a different feeling entirely.
Material: buy silicone, and here's why
Body-safe means non-porous: silicone, stainless steel, or borosilicate glass. Non-porous materials don't trap bacteria and can be cleaned properly. Porous materials like jelly, PVC, and "TPR blend" can hold bacteria in tiny pores no amount of washing reaches, and many contain phthalates you don't want against that tissue.
| Material | Feel | Best for | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Silicone | Warm, slight grip, forgiving | Everyone's first plug | Only use water-based lube with it |
| Stainless steel | Heavy, smooth, temperature play | People who like weight and pressure | Firm and unforgiving on the way in |
| Glass | Slick, rigid, easy to clean | Any lube, easy sanitizing | Check for chips before every use |
| Jelly / PVC / "TPR" | Soft but sticky | Honestly, nothing | Porous, can't be sanitized. Skip it. |
For a first toy I hand people silicone every time. It's warm, it has a little give, and it's cheap enough that a $15 to $25 plug is a real, safe product and not a compromise.
Lube is not optional, and the type matters
The anus doesn't self-lubricate. None. You need lube, more than you think, and you'll want to reapply.
- Water-based: safe with every material including silicone toys. It dries out faster, so keep it nearby and add more. This is your default. Browse lubes and get a thicker "anal" formula, not a runny one.
- Silicone-based: lasts much longer and is great for longer wear, but it degrades silicone toys. Fine with steel or glass, not with a silicone plug.
- Oil-based: long-lasting but breaks down latex condoms and is a pain to clean. I don't recommend it for beginners.
Skip anything labeled "numbing" or "desensitizing." Pain is information. If you can't feel that something's wrong, you can hurt yourself and only find out later. That's a hard no from me.
How to use one the first time
- Empty out and relax. Use the bathroom an hour before. If you want to feel cleaner, a rinse with a basic enema or anal cleansing bulb is optional, not required. Warm water only, gentle.
- Get turned on first. Arousal relaxes the muscles. Going in cold and tense is where it hurts.
- Lube the plug and yourself. Be generous. Then be more generous.
- Go slow and breathe out as it enters. Press gently, pause at the widest point, and let your body accept it rather than forcing past resistance.
- Once the neck settles, leave it. Start with 15 to 20 minutes. Build up over sessions.
- Remove slowly. The widest point comes back out, so ease it, don't yank.
If it hurts sharply, stop. Soreness that lingers, or any bleeding beyond a tiny streak, means you went too big or too fast. Next time, drop a size.
Common beginner mistakes
- Buying a set and starting in the middle. The training kits are fine, but start at the actual smallest piece.
- Not enough lube. This causes ninety percent of the "it hurt" complaints.
- Wearing it for hours on day one. Your body needs to build tolerance. Long wear too soon leaves you sore.
- Wearing one out of the house before you know how your body handles it. Test at home first.
Cleaning and care
Wash before and after every use with mild soap and warm water. A 100% silicone plug with no motor can also be boiled for a few minutes or run through a top rack dishwasher cycle. Glass and steel clean easily and can take a bleach solution or boiling. Dry everything fully before storing.
Store silicone toys apart from each other. Two silicone pieces touching in a drawer can react and go gummy over time. A cotton bag per toy solves it.
Where to go after your first plug
Once a small plug feels easy and good, you've got options. Size up gradually in the anal toys range, add a vibrating plug for extra sensation, or branch into anal beads for movement. Couples exploring together often find a starter set in the bundle for men or bundle for women gets more use than any single splurge item.
Everything ships in plain packaging with a discreet billing descriptor. Nobody at your door learns anything.
FAQ
Do butt plugs hurt?
They shouldn't. A little pressure or stretch at the widest point is normal, but sharp pain means stop, add lube, and go smaller or slower. Pain is a signal, not something to push through.
What size butt plug should a beginner buy?
Look for a widest point around three-quarters of an inch to one inch, in silicone, with a flared base. It'll feel like plenty for a first toy, and you can always size up later.
How long can I wear a butt plug?
Start with 15 to 20 minutes and build up. A few hours is fine once you're used to it, but take it out if you feel numbness, cramping, or soreness. Don't sleep in one.
Can I use a butt plug without lube?
No. The anus doesn't produce its own lubrication, so lube is required every time. Use a thick water-based formula with silicone toys and reapply as needed.
Are butt plugs safe?
Yes, when you use a body-safe material with a flared base, plenty of lube, and go slowly. The flared base is the critical part, it's what keeps the toy from being pulled in too far.
How do I clean a butt plug?
Wash with mild soap and warm water before and after use. Non-motorized silicone can be boiled or dishwasher-cleaned, and glass and steel sanitize easily. Dry fully before storing.
About Ashley Bloom
Ashley Bloom spent six years on the shop floor of an adult store, which means she has had the awkward conversation a few thousand times and knows which questions people are really asking. She now buys for My Secret and writes the guides, which puts her in the unusual position of knowing both what sells and what quietly comes back. She would rather talk you out of a bad purchase than sell you an expensive one.