Butt stuff is anal play, and the whole game is going slow, using way more lube than you think you need, and starting smaller than your ego wants. Do those three things and it goes from scary to genuinely good, whether you have a prostate or not.
I spent six years selling this stuff in person, so I've heard every version of the nervous question. Let me answer it properly.
Why the butt feels good in the first place
The anus is packed with nerve endings, more per square inch than most of the rest of your body. That's true for everyone, regardless of anatomy.
If you have a prostate, there's a second reason: it sits a couple of inches inside the rectum, toward the belly, and pressing on it produces a deep, full-body kind of pleasure that penile stimulation alone doesn't reach. If you have a vagina, the rectum shares a thin wall with it, so anal pressure can feel good from that side too. None of this requires you to be into anything in particular. Curiosity is enough of a reason.
The one rule that prevents 90% of bad experiences
Almost every bad anal story comes from breaking the same rule: someone rushed, skipped lube, or went too big. Slow down and the problem mostly disappears.
Your butt is a muscle, specifically two rings of muscle, and it responds to pressure by tightening. Push against a tense sphincter and it hurts. Wait, breathe, let it relax, and it opens on its own. There is no shortcut around this, and anyone selling you one is selling you a bad night.
Lube is not optional, and the type matters
Unlike a vagina, the rectum produces no lubrication of its own. So lube isn't a nice-to-have here, it's the entire foundation. Skimp on it and you get friction, tiny tears, and a reason to never try again.
- Water-based: Safe with every toy and every material. The catch is it dries out, so you'll reapply every few minutes. Keep the bottle within arm's reach.
- Silicone-based: Slick, long-lasting, and my usual pick for anal because you're not stopping constantly. The one rule: it degrades silicone toys, so use it with glass, metal, or stainless plugs, not your soft silicone ones.
- Hybrid: A middle ground. Lasts longer than water-based and is toy-safe. A fine default if you don't want to think about it.
Skip anything with numbing agents in it. Pain is information. If you numb it, you can't feel yourself going too far, and that's exactly how people get hurt. A good body-safe lube built for anal costs $12 to $20 and outlasts the bottle by months.
Where to actually start
Start with a finger, yours or a partner's, with a trimmed nail and plenty of lube. It costs nothing and it teaches you what relaxed feels like versus tense. When one finger feels easy and good, you're ready for a small toy.
For a first toy, go slim. A beginner plug should be about the width of a finger to a thumb, roughly 1 to 1.25 inches at the widest point, made of body-safe silicone, with a flared base. That base is non-negotiable, and I'll come back to why.
| Starter option | Best for | Size to start | The trade-off |
|---|---|---|---|
| A finger | Total beginners, testing the water | N/A | Limited reach, but free and honest feedback |
| Small silicone plug | Learning to relax and hold | ~1 inch wide | Stays put; not much movement or thrill on its own |
| Anal beads | People who like gradual, building sensation | Pea to marble sized beads | Cheap silicone versions have seams that can catch, buy quality |
| Prostate massager | Anyone with a prostate wanting the real payoff | Slim, curved | Costs more, and takes practice to angle right |
When you're ready to shop, the beginner butt plugs are where most people should begin. If you want that slow, building sensation on the way in and out, a set of graduated anal beads is a great second toy. Browse the full anal toys collection if you want to see how the sizes step up.
The safety rule that actually matters: flared base
Anything you put in your butt must have a flared base or a solid handle. The rectum is not a dead end, it keeps going, and the sphincter can pull an object in past the point you can retrieve it. This is the single most common way people end up in the ER over sex toys, and it's completely avoidable.
So: no wine bottles, no fruit, no toys designed for vaginal use without a base. Buy something made for the job. It's cheaper than a hospital bill and far less embarrassing.
The poop question, answered honestly
Here's the thing nobody says out loud at the counter: for most gentle play, stool is stored higher up, not right at the entrance, so day-to-day anal usually stays cleaner than people fear. A shower, some soap on the outside, and going to the bathroom an hour beforehand handles the vast majority of it.
If you want more certainty, especially for deeper play, a light rinse with an anal douche or enema bulb does the job. My honest advice: don't overdo it. Plain lukewarm water, a gentle squeeze, not a firehose. Over-cleaning strips the natural mucus lining and can leave you more irritated than if you'd done nothing. Once, gently, is plenty.
Prostate play, if you have the equipment
If you have a prostate, this is the part worth the effort. A curved prostate massager is shaped to reach and press that spot without you having to do the work by hand. Some vibrate, some are just firm silicone, and both work.
Give it time. The first few tries can feel like nothing much or just "I need to pee," which is normal and passes. Relax, breathe, and let the sensation build. Rushing the prostate is like turning up a song you can't hear yet.
Common mistakes I saw over and over
- Buying big to look brave. The oversized plug goes in the drawer after one attempt. Start small and work up over weeks.
- Not enough lube. If you're wondering whether you used enough, you didn't. Add more.
- Numbing creams. They hide the pain that's trying to protect you. Skip them.
- Same toy, vagina then butt, no wash. Bacteria from the rectum causes infections when it reaches the vagina or urethra. Never go butt-to-front without cleaning the toy first.
- Treating it like a race. There's no finish line. If it stops feeling good, stop. There's always next time.
Care and cleanup
Wash toys with warm water and mild soap before and after every use, or a dedicated toy cleaner. Fully non-porous, non-motorized silicone, glass, and stainless steel can be boiled or run through the dishwasher for a deeper clean. Anything with a motor gets wiped down, not submerged. Dry it fully and store it somewhere clean, not loose in a drawer with everything else.
FAQ
Does anal have to hurt?
No. Done right, with lube and patience, it shouldn't hurt at all. Pain means slow down, add lube, or go smaller. It's a signal, not a rite of passage.
How long should I wait between sizes?
There's no fixed schedule, but don't jump up on the same day. Get fully comfortable at one size across a few sessions before you go bigger. Weeks, not minutes.
Can I use a regular vibrator in my butt?
Only if it has a flared base or handle. A standard vibrator or dildo without a base can get pulled in and stuck. When in doubt, buy a toy made for anal use.
Is bleeding normal?
A tiny amount once is usually a small tear from friction and will heal. More than a trace, bright red bleeding, or ongoing pain means stop and see a doctor. Prevent it with lube and patience in the first place.
What's the best first purchase?
A good bottle of lube and one small silicone plug with a flared base. That combination is under $40 and covers everything a beginner needs. Everything else can wait until you know you like it.
Is it discreet if I order online?
Yes. Everything ships in plain packaging with a discreet billing descriptor, so nothing on the box or your statement announces what's inside.
About Ashley Bloom
Ashley Bloom spent six years on the shop floor of an adult store, which means she has had the awkward conversation a few thousand times and knows which questions people are really asking. She now buys for My Secret and writes the guides, which puts her in the unusual position of knowing both what sells and what quietly comes back. She would rather talk you out of a bad purchase than sell you an expensive one.